The author describes how they inadvertently trained themselves to equate effort with negative outcomes. Starting with a challenging physics class, they developed a belief that trying hard and still failing was worse than not trying at all. This self-protective mechanism spread to other areas of their life, leading to procrastination and avoidance of difficult tasks. Eventually, they recognized this pattern of self-sabotage and began the process of unlearning it by reframing failure as a necessary step in learning and growth, and focusing on the process rather than solely on outcomes. They began tackling challenging tasks, celebrating small victories, and gradually rebuilding their self-confidence.
The author of "I Conditioned Myself to Fail" elucidates a self-destructive pattern of behavior they developed surrounding academic examinations and, more broadly, challenging tasks. This pattern, rooted in a desire to avoid the perceived pain of potential failure, manifested as elaborate procrastination and avoidance tactics disguised as diligent preparation. Instead of directly confronting the difficulty of the task at hand, the author meticulously crafted a protective narrative. This narrative involved engaging in peripheral activities, like organizing notes or cleaning their workspace, while convincing themselves that these actions were essential prerequisites for true engagement with the core academic material. This allowed them to maintain an illusion of productivity while effectively delaying, and ultimately sabotaging, their actual studies.
The author describes this preemptive self-sabotage as a form of self-handicapping, a psychological defense mechanism employed to protect their self-esteem. By creating a ready-made excuse for potential failure – namely, the lack of sufficient preparation time due to these peripheral activities – they shielded themselves from the emotional blow of believing they weren't capable of success. The perceived sting of failing due to inadequate effort was deemed less painful than confronting the possibility of failing despite dedicated effort. This elaborate avoidance dance allowed the author to maintain a belief in their own inherent intelligence and capability while simultaneously ensuring they never truly tested those attributes.
The blog post details how this ingrained behavior pattern extended beyond academic settings, impacting personal projects and other challenging endeavors. The author realized they were perpetually setting themselves up for failure by subconsciously choosing unattainable goals or establishing unrealistic timelines. This realization prompted introspection and a desire to break free from this self-imposed cycle of underachievement. The author concludes with a nascent understanding of their self-defeating tendencies and expresses a hope, albeit tinged with uncertainty, of dismantling this deeply ingrained habit and embracing a more authentic and productive approach to challenges in the future. They acknowledge the arduous journey of unlearning this ingrained behavior, recognizing the necessity of confronting discomfort and embracing the possibility of failure as an integral part of growth and learning.
Summary of Comments ( 32 )
https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=42919788
HN commenters largely agreed with the author's premise that negative self-talk and a focus on potential failure can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Several shared similar experiences of psyching themselves out or developing learned helplessness. Some suggested techniques to combat this, including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), positive self-talk, and focusing on small wins. One commenter pointed out the link between the article's concept and the idea of "locus of control," emphasizing the importance of feeling agency over one's actions. Another questioned the framing of "conditioning," suggesting it implied a more passive process than the conscious, albeit negative, choices described. A few comments also discussed the potential evolutionary basis for negativity bias and its role in risk avoidance.
The Hacker News post "I Conditioned Myself to Fail" (linking to an article about the author's self-sabotaging behavior) generated a moderate amount of discussion, with several commenters sharing their own experiences and perspectives on the phenomenon of self-sabotage.
Several commenters resonated with the author's experience, describing similar patterns in their own lives. One user highlighted the difficulty of recognizing self-sabotage while it's happening, pointing out that it often manifests as seemingly rational decisions in the moment. Another commenter emphasized the importance of understanding the root causes of self-sabotage, suggesting that it often stems from a fear of success or a belief that one is undeserving of good things. This fear, they argued, can lead to subconscious behaviors that undermine progress.
The discussion also touched on strategies for overcoming self-sabotage. One commenter suggested that mindfulness and self-awareness are key to identifying self-sabotaging patterns and interrupting them. Another user recommended setting smaller, more achievable goals to build confidence and momentum, thereby gradually reducing the fear of success. The concept of "inner child work" was also mentioned as a potential avenue for addressing deep-seated beliefs and insecurities that contribute to self-sabotage.
Some commenters offered alternative perspectives on the author's experience. One suggested that the author's behavior might be attributable to ADHD or other executive function challenges, rather than purely psychological factors. Another user questioned whether the term "self-sabotage" was accurate, arguing that the author might simply have been making rational decisions based on their priorities and circumstances at the time. This prompted a brief discussion about the definition and nuances of self-sabotage.
Finally, several commenters shared personal anecdotes about their own struggles with self-sabotage, offering examples of how it has manifested in their careers, relationships, and personal projects. These anecdotes added a personal dimension to the conversation, highlighting the prevalence and multifaceted nature of self-sabotaging behavior.