Neel Nanda's blog post "Intentionally Making Close Friends (2021)" details a systematic approach to forming deep friendships. He argues that meaningful connections require vulnerability, shared experiences, and consistent effort. The post outlines practical strategies like joining shared activities, initiating one-on-one hangouts, and deepening conversations through personal disclosure. Nanda emphasizes the importance of being proactive, expressing genuine interest in others, and prioritizing quality time to cultivate strong, lasting friendships. He also suggests tracking interactions and setting explicit goals to maintain momentum and foster a sense of intentionality in the process.
Widespread loneliness, exacerbated by social media and the pandemic, creates a vulnerability exploited by malicious actors. Lonely individuals are more susceptible to romance scams, disinformation, and extremist ideologies, posing a significant security risk. These scams not only cause financial and emotional devastation for victims but also provide funding for criminal organizations, some of which engage in activities that threaten national security. The article argues that addressing loneliness through social connection initiatives is crucial not just for individual well-being, but also for collective security, as it strengthens societal resilience against manipulation and exploitation.
Hacker News commenters largely agreed with the article's premise that loneliness increases vulnerability to scams. Several pointed out the manipulative tactics used by scammers prey on the desire for connection, highlighting how seemingly harmless initial interactions can escalate into significant financial and emotional losses. Some commenters shared personal anecdotes of loved ones falling victim to such scams, emphasizing the devastating impact. Others discussed the broader societal factors contributing to loneliness, including social media's role in creating superficial connections and the decline of traditional community structures. A few suggested potential solutions, such as promoting genuine social interaction and educating vulnerable populations about common scam tactics. The role of technology in both exacerbating loneliness and potentially mitigating it through platforms that foster authentic connection was also debated.
A lonely giant sunfish at the Aquamarine Fukushima aquarium in Japan, who kept mistaking divers for jellyfish (its usual prey), has been given cardboard cutouts of humans for company. The cutouts, placed at the tank's viewing window, aim to acclimate the sunfish to human presence and prevent it from repeatedly bumping into the glass, injuring itself. Staff hope this will help the fish distinguish between humans and its food, improving its wellbeing in captivity.
HN users generally found the story of the lonely sunfish heartwarming. Some expressed skepticism that the fish recognized the cardboard cutouts as "friends," suggesting its behavior was more likely driven by curiosity or a general attraction to stimuli. Others pointed out the anthropomorphic nature of the narrative, cautioning against projecting human emotions onto animals. A few commenters shared personal anecdotes of keeping fish, emphasizing the importance of enrichment and speculating on the fish's potential loneliness. Several found the cardboard cutout solution clever and amusing, with one user jokingly suggesting adding a QR code for donations. The overall sentiment leaned towards appreciation for the aquarium staff's effort to improve the fish's well-being.
Summary of Comments ( 73 )
https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=43619032
HN commenters generally appreciated the article's vulnerability and actionable advice on forming close friendships. Several shared personal anecdotes about their own struggles and successes with making friends, echoing the article's emphasis on vulnerability and shared experiences. Some highlighted the importance of shared activities and hobbies in building connections, while others discussed the challenge of maintaining friendships amid life changes and geographical distance. A few questioned the applicability of the advice to different personality types, particularly introverts, while others emphasized the importance of emotional maturity and self-awareness as prerequisites for deep connections. Some found the "structured approach" outlined in the article somewhat unnatural, preferring more organic friendship development. Overall, the discussion centered around the universal desire for close connections and the challenges of achieving that in modern life.
The Hacker News post "Intentionally Making Close Friends (2021)" with the ID 43619032 has a moderate number of comments discussing the linked blog post about making friends. Several commenters shared their own experiences and perspectives on the challenges and rewards of forming close friendships, particularly as adults.
One recurring theme is the difficulty of making friends after college or after moving to a new city. Commenters echoed the sentiment that it takes more effort and intentionality to build friendships as an adult compared to the more organic social connections formed during earlier stages of life. Some suggested that shared activities and hobbies are crucial for finding like-minded individuals and fostering deeper connections.
A few commenters highlighted the importance of vulnerability and emotional intimacy in developing close friendships. They emphasized that true connection requires opening up to others and sharing personal experiences, even if it feels risky. This resonated with other users who agreed that superficial interactions rarely lead to meaningful friendships.
Some skepticism was expressed regarding the structured approach to friend-making advocated in the blog post. While acknowledging the author's good intentions, some commenters felt that attempting to "engineer" friendships could feel forced or inauthentic. They preferred a more organic approach, letting friendships develop naturally over time.
Several commenters shared anecdotes about their successful strategies for making friends, such as joining clubs or groups based on their interests, volunteering, or participating in online communities. Others offered advice on navigating the challenges of social anxiety and putting oneself out there to meet new people.
A particularly compelling comment thread discussed the difference between acquaintances, casual friends, and close friends. Users explored the nuances of these relationships and the varying levels of intimacy and commitment involved. This discussion highlighted the importance of clarifying expectations and understanding that not all friendships will progress to the same level of closeness.
The overall tone of the comments is thoughtful and engaging. Many commenters express a desire for deeper connections and a willingness to put in the effort to build meaningful friendships. While some question the specific approach outlined in the blog post, most agree that intentional effort is often necessary to cultivate strong social bonds, especially in adulthood.